In the Spider, both partners sit facing each other and lean back on their hands, with their legs overlapping in the middle. With all those arms and legs angled out, the two of you look a bit like a spider, which is where the name comes from. It's a slow, rocking position rather than a fast one. It suits couples who like eye contact, an unhurried pace and a shared sense of control. It works for penis-in-vagina sex, strap-on play and non-penetrative grinding, so it's open to pretty much any pairing.
How to Do the Spider Position
- Sit facing each other. Get on the bed or a firm, padded surface and face each other. The penetrating partner sits with their knees slightly bent and their feet flat.
- Overlap your legs. The receiving partner scoots in close and drapes their legs over their partner's thighs. Their knees stay bent and their feet rest on the bed behind their partner's hips. Your pelvises should now be close enough to touch.
- Lean back. Both of you lean back and put your palms flat on the bed behind you, fingers pointing toward your own hips. Keep your elbows soft, not locked.
- Enter slowly. Use plenty of lube. One partner can briefly shift their weight onto one hand and guide penetration with the other. Then both settle back into the lean.
- Rock together. Push gently through your hands and feet so your hips slide toward each other and away again. Short, rhythmic rocking works much better here than long thrusts.
Here's an honest heads-up: because both bodies lean away from each other, the angle can be awkward and a penis or toy may slip out. Scooting closer, keeping movements small or leaning back a little less usually fixes it.
3 Spider Variations
1. Elbow Spider
Both partners lower from their hands onto their elbows, or onto stacked pillows. This takes nearly all the strain off your wrists and lets you stay in the position longer. The angle becomes flatter, and some people find penetration easier to keep this way.
2. Legs-Up Spider
The receiving partner lies back on their elbows or all the way onto the bed, and lifts their legs to rest against the penetrating partner's chest or shoulders. The penetrating partner stays seated or comes up onto their knees. This version gives a deeper angle and less shared control. It's basically a cousin of the legs up family, so check in about depth and go slowly.
3. Spider to Lap
When your arms get tired, the receiving partner wraps their arms around their partner's neck and slides forward into their lap. That gives you a seated, face-to-face embrace. From there, the penetrating partner can lie back so the receiving partner ends up on top. It's a smooth way to keep going without breaking contact.
Making It More Comfortable
- Back support: Sit with your backs against pillows, a headboard or a wall instead of holding yourselves up. Your arms will thank you.
- Wrist care: Pointing your fingers sideways or making soft fists can be kinder to your wrists than flat palms.
- Height differences: Put a firm pillow under the shorter partner's hips to line up your pelvises.
- Extra stimulation: Your hands are busy, so clitoral touch is tricky. A wearable or hands-free vibrator placed between your bodies can help. So can one partner shifting their weight onto one arm for a while.
- Lube and protection: Lube makes the rocking glide much easier. Use condoms or other barriers as you normally would. Pick a lube that's compatible with them (water- or silicone-based with latex).
When to Skip or Modify the Spider
- Wrist, elbow or shoulder pain or injuries: Use the Elbow Spider with back support, or choose a lying-down position instead.
- Lower back problems: Leaning back without support can strain your lower back. Use a headboard or pillows, or skip it.
- Hip tightness: If draping your legs over your partner pulls painfully at your hips, keep your knees closer together or try a different position.
- Pregnancy: The Spider puts no weight on the belly, so many people find it workable in early pregnancy. Later on, a growing bump can make getting close difficult, and leaning back may feel uncomfortable or dizzying. Follow your healthcare provider's advice and stop if anything hurts.
- Any pain during sex: Stop, adjust or switch. Discomfort is information, not something to push through.
Communication and Consent
The Spider gives you a clear view of each other's faces, so use it. Talk about pace and depth before you start, and keep checking in during: "Closer?", "Slower?", "Want to switch?" Because both of you control the movement, it helps to agree on who leads the rhythm, or to take turns. Either partner can call a pause at any time, and an easy "let's move to something else" is always a fine answer.
FAQ
Is the Spider good for beginners?
Yes, if you go in expecting a playful, slightly awkward try rather than a smooth one. It doesn't need special flexibility, just some arm stamina and patience with the angle.
How long do people usually stay in it?
Often just a few minutes, because the arms tire quickly. Many couples use it as one part of a session and then move into a more relaxed position.
Can couples without a penis do the Spider?
Absolutely. It works with a strap-on, or as a grinding position where you rock your pelvises together for external stimulation.
Related
- The Amazing Benefits of the Spider Monkey Sex Position
- Reverse Cowgirl: another position where the receiving partner sets the pace
- Bondage: if you're curious about adding restraint to your play, talk it through first and agree on limits and a safe word
