Reverse Missionary Position: How to Do It + 4 Variations

Reverse missionary is the classic missionary sex position with the roles swapped. The partner who usually lies underneath lies on top instead: chest to chest, face to face and stretched out flat. You get the closeness of missionary, but the person on top sets the pace. Because it's built on grinding more than deep thrusting, it suits couples of any gender combination.

Quick note on the name: some websites also use "reverse missionary" for positions where one partner lies face down. In this guide, it always means the face-to-face, role-swapped version described above.

How to Do Reverse Missionary Step by Step

• Set up the bottom partner. They lie on their back with a pillow under their head and their legs straight or slightly apart.
• Climb on top. The top partner lies down along their body, chest to chest. They rest their forearms or elbows on the bed beside their partner's shoulders, so their weight goes into the mattress and not onto their partner's ribs.
• Line up. If you're including penetration (with a penis or a strap-on), use plenty of lube and guide it in by hand while the top partner lowers slowly. If you're not, simply line up your pelvises for grinding (sometimes called outercourse), with or without clothes, a toy or hands in between.
• Move with your hips, not your whole body. Small rocking or circling motions work better here than long strokes. Staying flat keeps steady pressure on the external genitals, which many people with a clitoris find is exactly the point.
• Bottom partner, join in. Hands on the hips, back or buttocks can help guide the rhythm. Small upward pushes from the hips add movement without taking over.

4 Reverse Missionary Variations

1. Legs Inside

The top partner keeps their legs together between their partner's legs, and the bottom partner lets their legs fall slightly open. It's snug and very grind-friendly, and it's an easy starting point.

2. Legs Outside

The bottom partner keeps their legs together, and the top partner's legs rest on either side. This gives a tighter feel and lets the top partner squeeze their thighs for extra pressure.

3. Knees Up

The bottom partner bends their knees and puts their feet flat on the bed. This tilts their pelvis and gives them leverage to move from below. Try it when you both want to share the work.

4. Propped Up

The bottom partner reclines against pillows or the headboard at a gentle incline. It's easier on the neck, makes kissing and eye contact easier, and makes it simple to slip a hand or a small vibrator between your bodies.

Making It More Comfortable

• Share the weight. The top partner can switch between forearms, hands and lying fully relaxed for short breaks. If there's a big size difference, the heavier partner may feel better on the bottom.
• Use a pillow. A flat pillow or folded blanket under the bottom partner's hips can change the angle and take strain off their lower back.
• Lube is your friend. Friction from all that grinding adds up fast, so reapply as needed. Use water- or silicone-based lube with latex condoms. Oil can weaken latex.
• Protect each other. Condoms or other barriers lower the risk of STIs, and condoms also help prevent pregnancy. Put one on before any genital contact, not partway through.

When Reverse Missionary Isn't for You

• Pregnancy. Lying chest to chest puts pressure on a pregnant belly, so it gets uncomfortable as pregnancy goes on. Lying flat on the back for long stretches is often advised against later in pregnancy. Side-lying positions are usually a better fit. Ask your midwife or doctor if you're unsure.
• Wrist, elbow or shoulder problems. Holding yourself up on your forearms can aggravate them. Try the Propped Up variation or switch to side-lying.
• Back, rib or breathing issues. If the bottom partner can't comfortably take weight on their torso, keep the top partner's weight off them or choose another position.
• Penile injury risk. With the partner who has a penis underneath, a slip-out followed by a hard downward movement can bend the penis painfully. Keep movements controlled, and if it slips out, guide it back by hand. Sudden sharp pain, a cracking sound or swelling needs urgent medical care.
• Any pain. Pain means stop and adjust. It's not something to push through.

Communication and Consent

Swapping who's on top can bring up feelings about control. For some couples that's the fun part, and for others it feels unfamiliar. Talk about it beforehand: what pace feels good and how you'll say "slower," "pause" or "stop." Because you're face to face, you can watch each other's reactions and check in quietly ("Like this?"). Either of you can change your mind at any point, and that's always okay.

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