The 69 is mutual oral sex: two partners lie head-to-toe so each person's mouth is near the other's genitals, and you both give and receive at the same time. The name comes from the shape of the numbers, two figures curled into each other. It works for any combination of bodies (vulva, penis or both), and it's popular because it's reciprocal and close. It's also honestly a bit of a juggling act. Some people love the shared intensity, and others find it hard to focus on giving and receiving at once. Both reactions are normal.
How to Do the 69 Position
- Set up the bottom partner first. One person lies on their back on the bed with a pillow or two under their head, so they can reach without craning their neck.
- Top partner goes head-to-toe. The other person kneels over them facing the opposite direction, with one knee on each side of their partner's head and their own head toward their partner's hips.
- Support your own weight. The top partner rests on their knees and elbows (or hands) and doesn't sit down on their partner's face or chest. The bottom partner can guide their hips with their hands.
- Adjust the height. The top partner can widen or narrow their knees to lower or raise their hips until the bottom partner can reach comfortably.
- Start slowly. Find a rhythm that one of you leads, then trade. You don't need to match each other perfectly.
3 Variations of the 69 Position
1. Side-by-Side 69
You both lie on your sides, facing each other, head-to-toe. Each person bends their top knee and puts that foot flat on the bed, which opens the hips, and rests their head on their partner's lower thigh like a pillow. Nobody carries anyone's weight. That makes this the go-to option when there's a big difference in height or size, or when knees, wrists or backs complain.
2. Take-Turns 69
Keep the same head-to-toe setup but stop trying to do everything at once. One partner focuses on giving while the other just receives, then you switch. You keep the closeness of 69 without splitting your attention, and many people find it easier to get close to orgasm this way.
3. Hands-and-Toys 69
Add fingers, or a small vibrator or other body-safe toy, alongside oral stimulation. Hands are useful when a jaw gets tired or when the angle makes it hard to reach with your mouth. Use plenty of lubricant, keep nails short and smooth, and check in before adding anything new.
Making It More Comfortable
- Pillows help. Put one under the bottom partner's head and, if it helps, one under the top partner's knees.
- Mind the jaw and gag reflex. Take breaks, use your hands, and go only as deep as feels good. There is no "right" depth.
- Breathe. If either of you feels short of breath or the top partner is pressing down, shift or lift the hips.
- Skip the porn version. The "standing 69", where one person holds the other upside down, risks falls and neck injuries and isn't something to try at home.
Safer Oral Sex
Oral sex can pass on sexually transmitted infections such as herpes, gonorrhea, syphilis and HPV. Condoms work for oral sex on a penis, and dental dams (or a condom cut open into a flat sheet) work for oral sex on a vulva or anus. Flavored, unlubricated options taste better. Skip oral sex if either of you has an active cold sore or mouth sores, and get tested regularly if you have new or multiple partners.
When the 69 Isn't for You
- Neck, back or jaw problems: lying on your back with your head lifted, or kneeling on all fours, can strain these areas. The side-by-side version, or simply taking turns in other positions, is kinder.
- Pregnancy: lying flat on your back for long periods often becomes uncomfortable later in pregnancy, so try the side-by-side version. During oral sex on a pregnant partner, never blow air into the vagina. It's a rare but serious risk.
- Knee or wrist pain: kneeling on all fours puts load on both. Go side-by-side.
- It just isn't fun: if you're both distracted, taking turns in separate positions is a perfectly good choice.
Communication and Consent
Talk before you start: what you each enjoy, what's off-limits, and whether you'll use barriers. With both mouths busy, agree on a simple signal, like two taps on the thigh, which means "pause" or "stop." Never hold a partner's head or push their hips down, because the person giving controls their own depth and pace. Checking in mid-way ("Faster? Softer? Swap?") isn't a mood-killer. It's how you both get what you actually want.
FAQ
Who should be on top?
Usually the lighter or shorter partner, or whoever has comfortable knees, but there's no rule. You can swap mid-session.
Can we finish in the 69?
Some people do and some don't. Many find it easier to switch to taking turns as they get close, since focus tends to narrow near orgasm.
Does the 69 work for same-sex couples?
Yes. The position is the same for any pairing of bodies. Only the technique changes.
