The 69 position is mutual oral sex: two partners lie head-to-toe so each can use their mouth on the other's genitals at the same time. It works for any combination of bodies and genders. The internet loves to credit it with miracle health effects, from boosting fertility to curing erection problems. Most of those claims are made up. Here's what 69 can actually do for you, what it can't, and how to make it comfortable and safer.
How 69 Works
The classic setup has one partner on their back and the other on top, facing the opposite way, with knees on either side of the bottom partner's head. It's often easier when you both lie on your sides, head-to-toe, with each person resting their head on the other's inner thigh. Then nobody has to hold themselves up and nobody's neck is under strain. If you're very different heights, the side-lying version or a few pillows will save you a lot of awkward craning.
Benefit 1: Shared Arousal and Desire
No study shows that 69 "increases libido." What 69 does offer is something many people find exciting: you give and receive at the same moment, so your partner's arousal feeds yours and the other way round. For some couples that feedback loop makes it a fun warm-up or a playful change from their usual routine. Desire depends on stress, health, medication and how the relationship feels, so if your sex drive has dropped and it bothers you, talking to a clinician or sex therapist will help more than any single position.
Benefit 2: Confidence and Communication
You may have read that 69 boosts energy and creativity. It doesn't. Its real benefit is closer to home: doing 69 well means paying attention. You learn what your partner likes by noticing how they respond, and you get practice saying what you want, like "slower," "a bit to the left" or "let's switch." Those skills carry over to every kind of sex you have together. That's where any boost in confidence actually comes from.
Fertility: Setting the Record Straight
Oral sex does not boost fertility, and no research says it does. Pregnancy happens through vaginal intercourse or assisted reproduction, not oral stimulation. If you're trying to conceive, 69 can still be part of foreplay. Just know that some fertility specialists suggest not using saliva as a lubricant when you're timing intercourse, because it may not be sperm-friendly. If you've been trying for a while without success, a doctor or fertility clinic is the right next step.
Benefit 3: Less Pressure Around Sexual Function
There's no evidence that 69 prevents or treats erectile dysfunction. What it can do is take pressure off. Penetration isn't the goal, so a softer erection, vaginal dryness or pain during intercourse don't have to end the fun. Many people find that once they stop worrying about "performing," pleasure comes more easily. If erection problems keep happening, see a doctor. They can be linked to heart health, hormones or medication, and they're very treatable.
Benefit 4: Intimacy and Overall Sexual Well-Being
69 is close and trusting: you're exposed, you're giving, and you're receiving all at once. For couples who enjoy it, that can feel deeply connecting, and pleasurable, consensual sex in general is linked to feeling relaxed and close to a partner. Just keep expectations realistic. It's one option among many, not a wellness treatment, and plenty of people simply prefer taking turns.
Making It Comfortable
- Go side by side. Lying on your sides means nobody holds up their weight and nobody's neck is strained.
- Use pillows. A pillow under the bottom partner's head or hips can close a height gap.
- Take turns inside the position. It's hard to focus while you're receiving. Taking turns as giver and receiver while staying in place is completely normal.
- Use your hands. Hands can add stimulation and give your jaw a rest.
Safer Sex and When to Skip It
Oral sex can pass on STIs, including HPV, herpes, gonorrhea, syphilis and chlamydia. Condoms on penises and dental dams (or a condom cut open into a flat sheet) on vulvas or the anus lower the risk, and flavored options exist. Regular testing and honest conversations about status help too. Skip oral contact if either of you has a cold sore, mouth sores, bleeding gums or any unusual genital symptoms.
Skip the top-and-bottom version, or 69 altogether, if you have neck, back or jaw pain, a recent injury, or if kneeling or bearing weight hurts. During pregnancy, lying flat on your back for long periods is often uncomfortable later on, so the side-lying version usually works better. Check with your midwife or doctor if you've been told to avoid sexual activity.
Communication and Consent
Your mouths are busy, so agree on a non-verbal signal before you start. Two taps on the thigh can mean "pause" or "stop," for example. Talk about what's on and off the table, like whether anyone is okay with finishing in their mouth. Either partner can change their mind at any point. Saying "let's switch to taking turns" is a perfectly good choice, not a failure.
FAQ
Do I have to enjoy 69 to have a good oral sex life?
Not at all. Many people prefer focusing on one partner at a time, and that's just as valid.
Is 69 only for heterosexual couples?
No. Any two people with any combination of genitals can do it. You just adjust angles and positioning to fit your bodies.
Can 69 count as safer sex?
It's lower-risk than some activities, but it's not risk-free. Barriers and regular testing make it safer.
