7 Best Fingering Sex Positions (Comfortable for Both Partners)

Fingering means using your fingers to pleasure a partner's vulva, clitoris, vagina or anus. It can be foreplay, the main event, or something you add to oral or penetrative sex. The position you pick matters more than people expect, because a cramped wrist or a strained neck can ruin the mood fast. Below are seven positions that keep both of you comfortable, with tips for making each one easier and notes on when to choose something else.

Before You Start: Hands, Lube and Consent

Good finger sex starts before anyone touches anyone. Here's a quick checklist:

• Short, smooth nails. File off any sharp edges. Jagged nails can cause tiny tears in delicate tissue.
• Clean hands. Wash with soap, and take off rings if they might catch or pinch.
• Lube. Use plenty of it. Water-based lube works with gloves and most toys. Anal play always needs lube, because the anus doesn't make its own lubrication.
• Gloves if you like. Nitrile gloves feel smooth, cover cuts on your hands, and make cleanup easy.
• A clear yes. Ask before you start, and keep checking in as you go. Agreeing to one kind of touch doesn't mean agreeing to all of them.

The 7 Best Fingering Positions

1. Side by Side, Receiver on Their Back

The receiver lies on their back with knees bent and slightly apart. The giver lies on their side next to them, propped on one elbow, and reaches down with their free hand. You can kiss and see each other's faces, which makes checking in easy.

Make it easier: slip a pillow under the giver's propping arm so their shoulder doesn't tire. If you're switching hands, switch sides of the bed too.

2. Spooning

Both partners lie on their sides facing the same direction, with the giver behind. The giver reaches over the receiver's hip to the front of their body. The receiver can lift their top knee or rest it on a pillow to make more room. Being held from behind feels warm and safe to a lot of people, and this position is also among the most comfortable during pregnancy.

Make it easier: the giver can tuck their lower arm under the receiver's pillow so it doesn't go numb.

3. Between the Legs, Hips Raised

The receiver lies on their back with a firm pillow under their hips. The giver lies on their stomach or kneels between the receiver's legs. Raising the hips gives the giver a good angle for internal touch with the palm facing up, and the giver's mouth is right there if you both want to add oral.

Make it easier: the giver should prop up on their forearms so their neck isn't craned. If the receiver's legs get tired, they can rest their feet on the giver's back or shoulders.

4. Seated, Leaning Back

The giver sits against the headboard or a wall with legs apart. The receiver sits between their legs and leans back against the giver's chest. The giver reaches around from behind, which is a lot like the angle you use when touching yourself. That makes this a great position for showing a partner exactly what you like by guiding their hand with yours.

Make it easier: put a cushion behind the giver's lower back. A mirror in front adds a visual element if you both enjoy that.

5. Edge of the Bed

The receiver lies on their back with their hips at the edge of the mattress and their feet on the floor or the bed frame. The giver kneels on the floor between their legs. Everything is at a convenient height, so the giver can use both hands: one inside, one on the clitoris or inner thighs.

Make it easier: put a folded blanket or cushion under the giver's knees. If the bed is too high, try a sofa instead.

6. Face to Face, Mutual Touch

Both partners lie on their sides facing each other, close enough to kiss, and each touches the other with their upper hand. This works for any combination of bodies. It's relaxed, and it takes the pressure off, because nobody is just "performing."

Make it easier: sliding the receiver's top leg over the giver's hip opens things up and lets you get closer.

7. Side-Lying 69

Partners lie on their sides head to toe, each with their head near the other's hips. Each person rests their head on the other's thigh and has their hands free. Lying on your sides is much easier on the neck and arms than the classic 69 with one partner on top.

Make it easier: take turns focusing on each other instead of trying to do everything at once.

Technique Beats Speed

Porn tends to show fast, hard thrusting. Most people with a vulva don't enjoy that. Start on the outside: the inner thighs, the outer and inner labia, and gentle circles around the clitoris, not straight on it. Many people need clitoral stimulation to orgasm, so keep one hand or thumb there even when you go inside. For internal touch, a slow "come here" curl of one or two fingers toward the front wall of the vagina usually feels better than in-and-out movement. Keep the pressure and rhythm steady once your partner says something works.

For anal fingering, go even slower. Start with gentle outside pressure, wait for the muscles to relax, and only then go in with one well-lubricated finger. Positions 1, 2 and 5 work well for this. Never move from the anus to the vagina without washing your hands or changing your glove, because that can cause infections.

When to Skip or Adjust

• Pain, burning or bleeding: stop. Pain that keeps coming back, or vulvar or pelvic pain, is worth checking with a doctor or pelvic floor physiotherapist.
• Infections: wait until a yeast infection, UTI, sore or unexplained discharge has cleared up.
• Pregnancy: fingering is usually fine in a healthy pregnancy. Positions 2 and 6 are the most comfortable. In later pregnancy, avoid lying flat on your back for long, and follow any advice from your midwife or doctor, such as instructions to avoid penetration.
• Wrist, hand or shoulder problems: choose positions where the forearm can rest on the bed (1, 4, 6), take breaks, and switch hands.
• Limited hip mobility: try spooning or the seated position instead of spreading the legs wide.

Communication and Consent

Nobody can read minds, and every body is different. Simple questions work well: "Softer or firmer?", "Slower?", "Inside or stay outside?" Guiding your partner's hand with yours is also a form of communication. Agree on a word or signal that means "stop" right away, and respect it without sulking. You can say no or change your mind at any point, even halfway through.

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