A sex pillow is a firm foam cushion, usually a wedge, ramp or cube, that holds a body at an angle so you don't have to. Tuck it under hips, a lower back or knees and many familiar positions get more comfortable, last longer and hit a different spot. Here are seven easy positions to try, with clear notes on where the pillow goes, who lies where, and when to skip a position.
A regular bed pillow works in a pinch, but it squashes flat under body weight. Dedicated sex pillows are denser, so the angle stays put, and most have a removable, washable cover. You don't need one to have great sex. What a pillow offers is less strain on wrists, knees, necks and lower backs, which matters for anyone with joint pain, limited mobility or simply a long day behind them.
Choosing and Setting Up Your Pillow
- Wedge: a sloped triangle. The most versatile shape for raising hips.
- Ramp or large wedge: a longer, gentler slope that supports the torso as well as the hips.
- Cube or small cushion: good for kneeling, propping a knee, or stacking with a wedge for extra height.
Start with the lowest height that works. Tilting the pelvis even a few inches changes the angle noticeably. Put a towel over the cover if you're using lube, and keep lube within reach before you begin.
7 Sex Pillow Positions to Try
1. Elevated Missionary
The receiving partner lies on their back with the pillow under their hips and lower back, knees bent and feet flat or wrapped around their partner. The other partner kneels or lies between their legs, face to face. Lifting the pelvis changes the angle of penetration, and many people find it easier to add hand or toy stimulation of the clitoris or penis this way. Make it easier: the top partner can rest on their forearms or knees rather than locked arms. Skip it if: the arch strains your lower back. Try a lower wedge, or put the pillow under your knees instead.
2. Supported Doggy Style
The receiving partner kneels on all fours, or lies face down, with the wedge under their hips and belly. The other partner kneels behind them. The pillow carries part of the receiving partner's weight, so their wrists and shoulders can rest on the bed or on forearms. Our guide to doggy style covers more variations. Make it easier: add a cushion under the kneeling partner's knees. Skip it if: deep penetration from behind causes pain. Lower the pillow or slow down.
3. Supported Reverse Cowgirl
One partner lies on their back with a pillow under their upper back and head, so they can see and touch more easily. The other kneels astride their hips, facing their feet, and controls depth and pace. Put a small cushion under each of the top partner's knees if kneeling on the mattress gets uncomfortable. More tips are in our reverse cowgirl guide. Skip it if: you have knee or hip pain. The partner on top can lean forward onto their hands to shift weight, or switch to facing forward.
4. Pillow Spooning
Both partners lie on their sides facing the same direction, the penetrating or stimulating partner behind. Place a pillow between the front partner's knees, or a thin wedge under their hips, to open the angle slightly. It's low effort, gentle on backs and joints, and leaves hands free. Skip it if: lying on one side aggravates a shoulder. Swap sides or add a pillow under the head.
5. Edge of the Bed
The receiving partner lies on their back with their hips near the edge of the bed and a wedge under their hips. The other partner stands or kneels on a cushion on the floor between their legs. Match the pillow height to the standing partner's height so nobody has to squat or strain. Skip it if: the standing partner has knee or back trouble. Use a lower bed or kneel on a cushion.
6. Raised Oral Sex
The receiving partner lies back with a wedge under their hips. The giving partner lies on their stomach between their legs, or kneels at the edge of the bed. Raising the hips brings the genitals closer to the giver's mouth, which can save a lot of neck strain during longer sessions. A small pillow under the giver's chest helps too. For STI protection, use a dental dam on a vulva or anus, or a condom on a penis.
7. Seated Yab Yum
One partner sits cross-legged on a firm cushion, which tilts the pelvis forward and relieves the lower back. The other sits in their lap facing them, legs wrapped around their waist. The movement is slow rocking rather than thrusting, with lots of eye contact and closeness. Skip it if: the seated partner gets hip or knee discomfort sitting cross-legged. They can stretch their legs out and lean back against the headboard instead.
Adding Light Restraint Safely
Some couples like to combine pillows with light bondage, with one partner taking a submissive role. The pillow is for comfort only. It is not an anchor point, so never tie anyone to it. If restraint is part of your play:
- Agree on limits beforehand, plus a safeword and a non-verbal signal (dropping an object, tapping three times) in case speaking isn't possible.
- Use restraints designed for it (soft cuffs with buckles or Velcro, under-mattress strap systems), or simply hold your partner's wrists.
- Keep safety shears within reach, and choose restraints that release quickly.
- Never put anything around the neck, and never leave a restrained person alone.
- Check circulation often. Numbness, tingling, cold or pale or bluish hands or feet mean you release right away.
- Only one partner is restrained at a time, so someone can always free them.
When a Position Isn't Right for You
- Pregnancy: later in pregnancy, lying flat on your back for a long time can cause dizziness or nausea. Side-lying positions like spooning, or a partner on top who isn't putting weight on the belly, are often more comfortable. If you have any complications, talk to your midwife or doctor first.
- Back pain: a high wedge under the hips arches the lower back. If that hurts, lower it, move the pillow under your knees, or choose side-lying positions.
- Neck and shoulders: skip inverted positions where weight lands on the neck (such as a "piledriver" with stacked pillows).
- Deep penetration: raising the hips can make penetration deeper. Sharp pain or bumping the cervix is a signal to slow down, reduce the height or change position.
- Protection and hygiene: condoms and barriers work the same in every position. Wash pillow covers after use, and lay down a towel to protect the foam.
Talk, Check In, Adjust
A new prop is a great excuse to talk. Before you start, mention any sore spots and which positions you're curious about. During sex, quick check-ins like "higher or lower?" or "does this angle feel good?" help you dial in the pillow without killing the mood. Either of you can pause or stop at any point, and switching positions is part of experimenting, not a failure.
FAQ
Is a sex pillow worth buying, or will regular pillows do?
Regular pillows are fine for trying things out. If you find you use one regularly, a firm wedge holds its shape better and is easier to clean.
How do I clean a sex pillow?
Remove the cover and machine wash it according to the label. Spot-clean the foam with mild soap and water and let it dry completely. Most foam cores shouldn't be soaked.
Can a pillow help with arthritis or limited mobility?
Often, yes. Propping hips, knees or the torso cuts down on how much the muscles and joints have to hold. Experiment with placement and go with what feels good, not what looks "right."
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