69 Position: How to Do It + 3 Variations

The 69 position is mutual oral sex: two partners lie head-to-toe, so each person's mouth is level with the other's genitals and both give and receive at the same time. It gets its name from the numeral, which looks like two bodies curled toward each other in opposite directions. Any pairing of bodies and genders can try it. It's fun, a little chaotic, and honestly more of a "let's play" position than a guaranteed finish line.

How to Do the 69 Position Step by Step

• Agree first. Check that you both want to give and receive oral sex, and settle on barriers (more on that below) before anyone gets into position.
• Pick who goes underneath. Partner A lies on their back on the bed with a pillow under their head. A firm pillow means they don't have to hold their head up.
• Get into place above. Partner B kneels over Partner A facing the opposite way, with one knee on each side of A's head. B leans forward and rests on their hands or forearms on either side of A's hips.
• Line up. B lowers their hips toward A's mouth while bringing their own mouth toward A's genitals. Shuffle a little at a time until both of you can reach without craning your necks.
• Start slow. Use lips, tongue and hands. Hands are underrated here, because they cover whatever your mouth can't quite reach.

Weight matters. The partner on top should keep most of their weight on their knees and arms, not on the face or chest of the person below. If breathing feels restricted, stop and adjust right away.

3 Variations of the 69 Position

1. Classic 69 (One Partner on Top)

This is the version described above. The lighter or more flexible partner often goes on top, but that's not a rule. Try both ways and see which feels better. If the top partner's arms get tired, they can drop onto their forearms.

2. Side-by-Side 69

You both lie on your sides, head-to-toe, facing each other's hips. Each of you can rest your head on the other's lower thigh, and lifting your top knee (foot flat on the bed) opens up access. Nobody carries weight and nobody's neck hangs, so this is the gentlest version. It's great for long sessions, big size or height differences, tired arms, or sore knees.

3. Propped-Up 69

The bottom partner stacks two pillows, or a wedge cushion, under their head and upper back so they lie in a gentle recline. Because they're raised, the top partner doesn't have to bend as far down. That eases strain on both necks and helps when torsos are different lengths.

Making It More Comfortable

• Take turns inside the position. Doing two things at once is hard. Many couples alternate: one focuses on giving while the other just enjoys, then you switch, all without moving.
• Use your hands. Fingers can keep things going while you catch your breath. If you're using hands on the vulva or penis, a little water-based lubricant helps. Some people find sugary flavored lubes irritating to vaginal tissue, so read labels.
• Freshen up together. A shower beforehand can be part of the foreplay and takes away the self-consciousness.
• Mind the edges. A wide, firm surface beats a narrow sofa. Keep a towel nearby.

When 69 Isn't for You

• Neck, back, knee or wrist pain: Try the side-by-side version, or skip it altogether. Pain is a stop sign, not something to push through.
• Pregnancy: In later pregnancy, lying flat on your back for long stretches is often uncomfortable and generally discouraged, and kneeling over a belly isn't practical. The side-by-side version usually works better. Check with your midwife or doctor if you're unsure.
• STI risk: Oral sex can pass on infections such as herpes, gonorrhea, chlamydia, syphilis and HPV. Use a condom on a penis and a dental dam on a vulva or anus, especially with new or untested partners. Skip oral sex if either of you has cold sores or open sores.
• Breathing or claustrophobia: If having a partner's body above your face feels like too much, stay with side-by-side or take turns giving oral sex in other positions.

Communication and Consent

With your mouths busy and no eye contact, talking is harder than usual, so plan ahead. Before you start, agree on a non-verbal signal, like two taps on the thigh, that means "pause" or "stop," and respect it instantly. Moans, hip movements and a guiding hand can show what feels good. A quick "how's that?" between rounds is perfectly sexy. Either of you can change your mind at any point, and saying yes to 69 doesn't mean saying yes to anything else.

And if 69 doesn't click for you, that's completely fine. Lots of people prefer to concentrate on giving or receiving one at a time. Porn makes this position look effortless and endless, and real life is clumsier and more fun.

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